I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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