You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
