My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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