we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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