Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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