Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
