the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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