If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
