I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
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you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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