he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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