somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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