Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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