Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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