I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
