want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
