remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
