They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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