dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Barsexuality is the new black.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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