He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
