And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
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I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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