and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
