im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
