I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
