I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
