Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
