i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal