I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.