It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize