I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
