Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad