I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.