Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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