I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
