I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Weβre leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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