I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
