i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
