he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
