i was born a porn star she said
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
