dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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