Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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