I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
