You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
