Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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