Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
