U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
