I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
