I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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