Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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