I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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