you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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