i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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