well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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