so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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