well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it because I queefed?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
