you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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