you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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