Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
where are my eyebrows?
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