this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize