its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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