Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
