Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
