girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
