xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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