well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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