This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
