There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize