Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
