If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
